sissy

This year, my Hamvention experience was amazing and filled with so many memories! Where do I begin?

In case you just tuned in, Hamvention is the largest ham radio convention this side of the Arctic Circle and I have been a regular attendee since 1979. Also, I am a well-known writer in the ham radio world having penned among other things, five books and over 1,200 articles.

Since 2010, I have been attending Hamvention as a woman. Although it was scary the first time going in, I quickly realized that most of the attendees did not recognize me as that well-known writer. Rather, they assumed I was a middle-aged woman, probably the wife of a ham, helping out at one of the booths at the convention.

Aha moments only occurred when someone examined my name badge and recognized my call sign. Those moments were few and far between and I was basically invisible at Hamvention. As a result, I passed successfully.

This year was very different.

The folks who run Hamvention chose me (as Stan) to be the recipient of their prestigious Special Achievement Award. I had to decide quickly who would go to Hamvention to accept the honor.

I thought about it for about 30 seconds ― that invisible middle-aged woman who has been attending Hamvention for the past six years would make the trip to Dayton to pick up the award.

So I emailed the Hamvention folks my biography and a current photo to display on their website and print in the convention program, which means that anyone who looked at the website or program would see that the winner of the award was that well-known writer, but now he is a she!

Some people thought that the Hamvention folks had erred using an unknown woman's photo with Stan's write-up and that is my fault. I stuck with Stan because (1) the people who nominated me for the award nominated "Stan" not "Stana" and (2) Stan not Stana, was responsible for the bulk of the accomplishments I was being honored for. As a result, there was some confusion among the civilians attending Hamvention. The following anecdote is an example of their disorientation.

Throughout the Hamvention, I kept running into a husband and wife in my hotel, who I recognized from past Hamventions, but could not remember who they were. So whenever I saw them, I would just wave or say "Hi" and leave it at that.

Saturday evening, as I exited the hotel dressed to the nines to attend the awards dinner, the husband was outside smoking. I said "Hi" and continued to walk to my car, when I heard the husband say, "Stan, when did you make the gender switch?"

I turned around. He did not seem angry, upset or transphobic, but rather curious, so I politely answered his question.

"I've been reading your articles for years and I had no idea!" he added.

And that was atypical. A few people asked me what name did I prefer, but most people accepted me as I was without asking me to explain myself.

And it does not get much better than that!

Wearing Express.

A chorus of gurls in the 1944 film When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.

My recollections are mixed about when I discovered/suspected I was not all male or should I say, had some female hiding in my inner core. My first positive but fearful incident occurred at about age 12 or 13 when one day I discovered my nipples were suddenly hard and sore and had a pronounced bud of perhaps a quarter in diameter, which was tender to the touch. I was terrified – am I turning into a girl? After a week or so, all the sensations and buds receded and I continued life as normal.

At about age 16 several things happened. Almost every day I walked past an upscale dry cleaner who usually had several ball gowns on display in the window and I found myself admiring them.

My movie heroes were John Wayne’s portrayals in westerns and war movies, but occasionally, I saw a Technicolor musical. Often these starred glorious women like Debbie Reynolds, Lana Turner, and Elizabeth Taylor. I always was fascinated by the delicious-looking clothes and in particular remember one scene in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof where Elizabeth Taylor was wearing a body-clinging slip. I thought that was fantastic and began to envy women for their ability to wear the clothes that looked great and offered freedom of expression and mood in sharp contrast to the dull drab colors and styles of men’s attire.

My next shocker came at summer camp where everyone wore shorts. My first day there I put on the uniform and when I stepped out of the tent, I got some whistles and comments from several girl campers about my great gams, which were “too good for a boy.” Was I embarrassed!! But I cataloged the incident in my brain.

The next adventurer was self-induced. While baby-sitting for a relative, I discovered an evening gown – probably a bridesmaid’s – hanging in the hallway in a pink plastic bag. Carefully I raised the plastic and found a gorgeous green velvet floor-length gown with a princess neckline. I was drawn to trying it on. Quickly I took in into the spacious bathroom, took a very quick shower, then stepped into heaven and zipped up the back. My cotton boy socks filled out the bodice wonderfully. The off-the-shoulder style added a degree of daring and romance. It reminded me of Scarlet O’Hara in Gone With The Wind and her gown made from the living room draperies.

I was ecstatic, but after a few twirls in front of the full-length mirror, I was seized simultaneously with near euphoria and panic. Quickly, but very carefully I unzipped and let the green velvet cloud slowly slide to the floor, where after gracefully stepping out of its warm circle, I very gingerly hung it up, covered it in its plastic protective cocoon and returned this marvel of femininity to its original position.


I invite all Femulate readers to share their first crossdressing experience. Try to recall that moment the first time you tried on a woman’s garment and began the process of unveiling and exploring your feminine self. To entice you to share your first time story, I will give away a free copy of my e-book Fantasia Fair Diaries to all whose stories I use in Femulate.

Wearing JustFab.

An all male cast performs Guys and Dolls at the UK Caldicott Prep School in 2015.