WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING SOMETHING AS A TEAM. MAKING
SOMETHING THAT WOULD WORK FOR THE WHOLE COMPANY. THE KIDS
OUT THERE NEED MUSIC, AND THEY WANT PEOPLE TO ASPIRE TO BE.
WHO WERE WE TO THINK MANUFACTURING SOMEONE LIKE THAT WOULD
GO SO WRONG. IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE COMPANY’S BOARD THAT
CAME UP WITH THE INNATE FLAW IN THE PLAN, BUT NO ONE STOPPED
THEM, AT EVERY STAGE WE WENT ALONG WITH IT, AND NOW IT’S ALL
OUR FAULT.
WE NEEDED A POP STAR THAT COULD BE ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE.
WE NEEDED SOMEONE FOR THE KIDS TO LOOK UP TO, SOMEONE FOR
THE GIRLS TO FIND FIERCE AND STRONG AND SEXY, AND FOR THE GUY
TO DROOL OVER. I DON’T KNOW WHO ON THE BOARD THOUGHT A
MAN’S MIND WOULD WORK BETTER THAN A WOMAN’S, BUT WE ALL
AGREED IN OUR WAY. FINDING THE BEST ARTIST FOR THE JOB. A
STREET SINGER CALLED ORLANDO MCGUIGAN, HE WAS TAKEN TO A
TEST CENTRE, INTERVIEWED, AND THEN TRANSFORMED, PHYSICALLY A
MENTALLY INTO THE PERFECT PRODUCT. ONLY, WE DIDN’T COUNT ON
SOME THINGS.
COMPLETING THE PHYSICAL TRANSFORMATION, WE BLANKETED HIS
ENTIRE BODY WITH EVERY FEMALE HORMONE AND PHEROMONE AVAIL-
ABLE, WHILST KEEPING HIS MIND MALE. IT MEANT THAT WHEN SHE
AWOKE, HER MIND WAS COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED BY THE SHEER
QLIANTITY OF FEMALE SEX CHEMICALS IN HER BODY, AND WE HAD TO
TRANQUILLISE HER IMMEDIATELY. SINCE THEN, EVERY TIME SHE WAS
AWOKEN, THE SAME THING HAPPENED, SHE EITHER BROKE DOWN MEN-
TALLY, TRIED TO ESCAPE, OR TRIED TO GET LAID AS QUICKLY AS POSSI
BLE.
BUT WE’RE A RECORDING COMPANY, NOT A PRISON, WE COULDN’T KEEP
SOMEONE UNDER SEDATION FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. TOO MANY
PEOPLE WERE STARTING TO SNIFF AROUND THE PROJECT FOR US TO
JUST DISPOSE OF HER. WE HAD TO DO SOMETHING. THAT’S WHEN A
STAFFER UNDER ME CAME UP WITH AN IDEA. HER MIND WAS MORE OR
LESS EMPTY FROM THE CONSTANT BARRAGE OF HORNONES ANYWAY, I
WE PUT HER IN HIS HOME, WHEN SHE AWOKE HE’D SAY HE WAS HER
BOYFRIEND, AND THEN WE COULD SEE WHAT HAPPENED FROM THERE. I
KNEW HE WASN’T DOING IT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, BUT IT WAS A
METHOD OF KEEPING THE COMPANY FREE OF LAWSUITS, HE WOULD BE
QUIET AND HAPPY, AND SHE WOULD HAVE THE BEST QUALITY OF LIFE
WE COULD OFFER. IF HE COULD SATISFY HER, THEN SHE MIGHT EVEN
BECOME THE POP STAR WE EXPECTED HER TO BE.
WE PUT THE PLAN IN MOTION, AND WITHIN A FEW WEEKS OUR STAFFER
QUIT HIS JOB. HE WAS GETTING MARRIED TO HER, AND THE TWO WERE
GOING ON A ROUND THE WORLD TRIP ON THE COMPANY’S DIME. WE
DIDN’T STAND IN THEIR WAY, IT WAS THE BEST POSSIBLE SOLUTION.
AND ROM THE LOOK O HER WHEN THEY ARRIVED TO PICK UP THEIR